In transition

Dharun Ravi was found guilty of 15 charges including bias intimidation, invasion of privacy, attempted invasion of privacy..ugh the list just goes on. What started out as a prank (yes, a prank. I’m 100% sure that he was unaware that people would eventually construe this as a hate crime) snowballed into something so terrible that it managed to shatter the lives of so many people. Tyler Clementi, Dharun’s roommate was just eighteen.  What people are forgetting is that Dharun was just eighteen too. At that age, as a freshman in college, you make mistakes. It was mean, and I don’t condone it for a second, but ten years worth of jail time for this? Is that sensible?

The thing is, it’s impossible to separate Tyler Clementi’s suicide from this. I know it wasn’t supposed to be related, but the jury knew everything, and it’s impossible that the suicide didn’t cloud their judgement. Dharun needs to be punished, for sure. This isn’t something you should be able to just get away with, but I have a hard time understanding why this warrants ten years of jail time.

Then again, Dharun was given more than one opportunity to prevent this outcome, but he turned them all down. I think I sort of understand where he was coming from. I guess he thought that he was innocent, that he didn’t commit any kind of crime, let alone hate crime, so why even get into an agreement that basically meant that he was confessing and was ready to pay for his mistake. But the defense (to me, a person who knows absolutely nothing about the law but who tries to think as an unbiased third party) seems a little weak. Switching on a webcam to see if his belongings are okay, seriously? Why didn’t he just take the expensive stuff out of his room if he was that worried about it? It’s not that hard to carry a laptop, an iPod, and a phone out of a room for a few hours. He could’ve locked up the really valuable stuff in his cupboard if he was that paranoid, especially since his roommate had apparently given him advance notice that he would be having a guest over.

I guess the first time was an honest mistake. He wanted a laugh, and maybe he thought that his roommate bringing home a much older man was really funny. I have no idea. I’m fairly certain even HE didn’t have an idea. Sometimes people do stupid things. But what possessed him to try doing it a second time? And tweeting about daring people to videochat with him, that I just cannot comprehend. Firstly, why in the hell would you want to spy on your roommate if he has a potentially non-platonic friend over?! That’s just…creepy. Secondly, what kind of person would tweet about this?! I just don’t get it. All of your twitter followers don’t really need to know what your roommate is up to. Ugh.

Apparently they found letters on Clementi’s comp that lead us to believe that he may have been depressed before even starting college. But sadly the prank seems to have been the final straw? Maybe Clementi was a kid with low self esteem to begin with, maybe he was in fact shy and a little weary of people around him, and he just didn’t know how to deal with that…

Bottom line: This has upset me. The entire thing. Tyler Clementi feeling like life is not worth living anymore (this breaks my heart, that there are people who are this depressed. Why aren’t we doing anything to pull them out of this? Why has everyone become so apathetic?) and then Dharun Ravi’s prank that escalated into something he never would’ve imagined in his wildest dreams. Possibly facing ten years of prison time. So if he gets out at 30, he would’ve spent 1/3rd of his life behind bars. For something that he did on the spur of the moment. I feel like they should’ve made him do community service, volunteer work, something that could have actually benefited society. I don’t understand how him sitting in a jail cell for 3650 days is going to help correct this wrong at all. Ugh. This is such an overall sucky situation. What is happening to people. How are we okay with treating other human beings like this? Like objects that are just present to entertain us. I just don’t understand. Stop bullying. 

#stopbullying

“So the occipital lobe processes visual data and the temporal lobe is where your mammaries are stored. The parietal lobe….”

Tani groaned. Psychology fascinated her and she had chosen to study it at university for precisely that reason. But Cognitive Psychology bored her to tears. Her professor’s terrible accent and atrocious pronunciation made it even worse. If she heard him say “mammary” instead of “memory” one more time she was going to lose her mind.

To make things worse, time was passing by at an agonizingly slow pace that day. She had no other work that she could do, and no one was replying to any of her texts. To add insult to injury, she had finally plucked up the courage to say hi to Stanley on Facebook chat but he hadn’t replied. He was a freshman she had met when they were both working on the university drama club’s production. He had played the lead role, and he was the most charming guy she’d met in a long while. Just thinking about him made her face turn an incredibly bright shade of crimson. But the play was over and she hadn’t run in to him in over a week, despite him being a Social Sciences student as well. Clearly the universe didn’t care about her amorous feelings.

 Just as she was cursing the universe, her phone buzzed in her pocket. It was a text from the director of the play.

 “Hey Tani, Stan wanted your number for something, so I gave it to him. Hope you don’t mind!”

 Hoped she didn’t mind?! Of course she didn’t mind! She wanted to squeal in delight, but her professor and classmates would think she was a lunatic, so she refrained. As if on cue, her phone buzzed again; it was a text from an unknown number.

“Hi Tani, this is Stan. Sorry for not replying earlier, I was rushing to school. What’s up?”

 Oh God. She was freaking out. Did he really ask the director for her number?! What did he want? She decided to act offended and said,

 “Sorry Stan, you committed a grave sin for which I can never forgive you. I’m rotting away in Cognitive Psych, and you?”

 “Hahaha let me make it up to you. What are you doing after class? Do you want to get something to eat?”

 Her heart stopped for a second. How did he manage to say that so casually?! She had wanted to ask him out to lunch or coffee for ages but she could never word it properly! And here he was, asking her to “get something to eat” as if it was something they did routinely.

 “Sure, that sounds good. Somewhere on campus? Subway?”

Tani laughed to herself as she typed Subway. “Subway” was a code word for Stan that she and her friend had come up with during the production. Whenever they wanted to refer to how cute he was, they would say “Subway has the best cookies” or something silly like that. She imagined herself telling Stan this over lunch and it made her smile.

 “Cool, I’ll pick you up outside your class J”

 She could feel her insides melting into a puddle. Subway was a thirty second walk away from her class, but Stan being the epitome of chivalry obviously wanted to “escort” her there. Why couldn’t more boys be like him?!

 “Great, see you outside seminar room 2-8 in twenty minutes?”

 “Sure, see you!”

Ugh. Now she couldn’t continue their conversation. How does one reply to that? So she sighed and proceeded to stare at the clock for the next twenty minutes, deliberately choosing to ignore the butterflies that were doing the tango in her stomach. She decided not to get ahead of herself. It was just lunch at Subway, not a big deal at all.

 An eternity later, she heard her prof telling them to “read chapter 11 for next class,” and to have a good weekend. She packed up her bag at lightning speed and headed for the exit. At first she couldn’t see him, and she began to panic instantly. Had he changed his mind?

 But then she heard a deep voice say her name, and she could feel her face getting flushed. That voice was too much to handle. She turned around and saw Stanley there, smiling his usual goofy smile, such a contrast to his voice. She loved that about him. He had such a suave way of speaking, but his smile always made her feel comfortable. He wasn’t one of those guys she couldn’t string a sentence around. He didn’t make her feel nervous or unconfident. In fact, he put her completely at ease.

 They walked to Subway, making small talk about what they had done that week, and complaining about the volume of reading they had to do that weekend. They bickered about the torrential rains that had made the last few days pretty gloomy, and how they were both dealing with withdrawal symptoms after the last performance of the play.

 As they made their way to one of the benches after buying their sandwiches, Stan looked up at her and said,

“So I’ve been meaning to ask you this for a while now. Are you seeing someone?”

 She cursed her tell tale cheeks. They were surely the colour of tomatoes by now. She tried to compose herself and said,

 “Haha no, not right now. What about you?”

 She and her friend had done enough snooping and so she knew that he was single too, but she didn’t want him to know that. Obviously.

 “Yeah, totally single.”

 They didn’t talk about their relationship statuses anymore but Tani didn’t mind that the conversation had taken a different turn. He was so much fun to talk to, and he made her laugh with all his impressions and stories. But her sandwich was almost over, and so was their lunch. It seemed like Stan could read her mind, because he said,

 “Hey you want to do something fun? We haven’t hung out at all and we both need a break from work.”

 She would’ve said yes even if she had something vitally important to do, but he didn’t need to know that. So she played it cool and said she was game for anything.

 “There’s a local band playing a small concert today at 6 at Fort Canning Park. Do you want to go?”

Stanley apparently only had aces up his sleeve. Either that or he knew her a lot better than she thought he did. She would never turn down an opportunity to watch a band play live, even if it was a band she didn’t know. Live music was live music, and if she was with Stanley then she could probably even sit through Rebecca Black singing “Friday” on loop.

 So of course she wanted to go. But she definitely wanted to leave her bag at home first, so they decided that they’d meet back at school in an hour, and then go to Fort Canning together.

 She rushed home, changed her outfit, put on some perfume and some lip gloss for good measure, took a deep breath and walked back to school. She was suddenly very nervous. Would he be able to tell that she was having some pretty PG-13 feelings towards him? What if he didn’t feel the same way? Her over-analytical mind kicked into overdrive and she had thought through nearly a hundred scenarios in her head when her all-knowing friend texted her and said, “I know you’re over-thinking this. Please give it a rest. Go have fun!!”

 She always had the best advice, and Tani decided to take it.

 When she reached school, she saw Stanley and waved to him. He waved back with a sheepish grin on his face. 

“So…I didn’t really tell you the whole story earlier. We’re not really going to watch a band perform.”

 She was confused. What did he mean? He took a deep breath and said, very quickly, with his trademark goofy grin,

 “I’m actually in the band. Well, one of the bands. There are three performing a set each, and our band’s set is half an hour long. So I guess I would be playing and watching and you would be…well you would be….”

 She was shocked, and it probably showed on her face because he quickly said,

 “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, I just remember you mentioning that you liked live music and I thought that…”

 Oh my God. She thought she had died and gone to heaven. On top of everything, Stanley was a musician! Was this even possible?

 She did something entirely uncharacteristic and threw her arms around him in glee. He was stunned for a moment and then wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight. She could smell cigarette smoke on his collar, but not enough to make her gag. Just the right amount. And boy was he a good hugger. Just as she was trying to remember all the details of his arms, the spot on his chest where her head reached, she could feel him laughing as he said,

“So I take it you want to come watch, then?”

 She sprang back, totally embarrassed, and said,

 “Of course I do. I would love to.”

 He seemed relieved, and they walked to Fort Canning together, as he filled her in on how the band had come together, the kind of music they played, and the gigs they had done.

 She hugged him and wished him luck. His was the first band performing. They played five songs and she watched and cheered for them, super proud and even more charmed by him than she already was. He played lead guitar, and at one point she swore that he looked directly at her and smiled, but she didn’t know if her mind was playing tricks on her. The audience loved them and he came running back to her as soon as their set was over. She was on cloud nine, seventh heaven, and all the other cheesy terms for extreme ecstasy. They watched the other two bands together, but she could barely concentrate on them because he had his arms around her waist and his chin resting lightly on her cheek the entire time.

“I hope you had fun, Tani.” he said when the last band was done and they were walking away from the concert area.

 “Are you kidding? I had an amazing time! I wish there were more bands playing. You guys were fantastic; the other bands were pretty good too. It was absolutely one of the best evenings I’ve had.”

 Stanley laughed and said, “Oh that’s a relief. So am I forgiven for not replying earlier today?”

 Tani laughed and said, “Weeeell I’ll have to think about that, but you’re doing all the right things.”

 Stanley sighed dramatically and said, “What more do I have to do, my lord?”

 She pretended to ponder deeply and finally said, “I guess you’ll just have to surprise me.”

 Stanley stared at her and asked, incredulously, “More than all of this?!” But before she could respond, he tilted her chin up with a finger and kissed her. Short and sweet, but his intention was crystal clear.

 When he stepped back, her heart was pounding exceptionally loudly and she was at a total loss for words. But she probably had a smile on her face because Stanley laughed, put his arms around her, and said,

 “Don’t tell me I never surprised you.” 

It was 3 AM on a warm, sultry night, and Trina’s incessant clickety-clack on her most prized possession (her blackberry, of course) was driving her roommate crazy.

“Get the hell off your phone, Trina. Aakash will live if you don’t bbm him for a few hours. I’m trying to sleep.”

This was a daily routine; Trina was too preoccupied with updating Aakash on everything that had happened after dinner for her to care about Saina’s sleep issues. So, she ignored her and furiously typed away; the sensory receptors in her thumbs had accepted defeat a long time ago. When it came to Aakash, nothing else had even a fighting chance (not even the need to rest her thumbs, apparently).

But this night was different from the rest. Trina and Aakash, who generally spoke about pedestrian issues at all hours of the day, were suddenly in the midst of an extraordinarily intense conversation. They had suffered through yet another dinner during which all of their friends had made not-so-subtle remarks about the alleged non-platonic nature of their friendship. It was apparently clear to all of them that these two were undeniably in love with each other. Generally, she let all the comments slide but today she just couldn’t. She continued to type away.

“What are they all seeing that I’m evidently missing, Aakash? Am I just being exceptionally obtuse about this whole thing?”

“No, I think you’re acutely aware of what’s going on. Hahaha mathematical pun intended.”

She smiled to herself. She really loved his stupid jokes. He was a good friend to her, and their relationship was beautifully uncomplicated. It was such a breath of fresh air after a couple of emotionally turbulent friendships she had had in the past. Aakash never had unreasonable expectations from her, never emotionally blackmailed her about anything, and was always there to talk to her if she was low and needed a friend. He had never let her down, and that’s what set him apart from the rest. His love had never wavered. Of course, he pulled her leg now and then, but that’s always expected when two people are as close as Trina and Aakash were. She valued him immeasurably and she was so grateful that he was in her life. She had vowed that she wouldn’t let feelings get in the way of their friendship, but of late she was beginning to wonder if her thoughts about him were veering towards the non-platonic end of the spectrum.

But instead of saying any of that, she said, “Lame. I’m going to sleep. You’re so lame.”

“Trinaaaaaaa, I’m sorry. I thought it was funny. What’s bothering you? Btw, I’m really hungry. Walk with me to McDonalds?”

Aakash was her skinny friend who ate more than all her other friends put together and never gained any weight. Oh, the injustice of it all.

“No, I’m going to sleep. Goodnight.”

She waited five minutes for him to respond. He never took that long to reply to a text! She was beginning to get quite upset. Why wasn’t he replying? He knew all she needed was a little cajoling to walk to the closest McDonalds with him.

While she was busy being pensive, a shrill ring cut through the air. Saina woke up with a start and was visibly livid.

“WHAT THE HELL is that? Trina, I bet it’s your boy. If you don’t pick up that phone in a second I’m going to kill you.”

Trina ran to the living room to answer the phone. “Hello?” She whispered.

“Hello? It’s me.”

Aakash? What was he doing at her building at 3 AM?! It was a 100-metre walk from his place to hers (uphill, no less), and the laziest person in the world had just traversed this distance to…to what? Had something happened? Trina panicked and ran downstairs to open the gate for him. But he didn’t look perplexed in the very least.

“Hi. You’re not doing anything important, no? Come with me to McDonalds.”

Was he being serious? Did he really walk all the way there for that? Ah, but he was clever. There was no way she could refuse now. He would argue that she was already downstairs, and that it was only a 5-minute walk away. So she sighed dramatically and pretended to give in.

They walked in silence for a couple of minutes. Their silences were never uncomfortable. And then, Aakash said,

“It doesn’t bother me, by the way. Our friends are going to say whatever the hell they want to. But the only thing that matters is what you and I think. Why do you let it affect you so much?”

“Eh man. I don’t know. I think I’ve just heard it too many times. You’re not even around when all the girls gang up against me and accuse me of “not confronting my feelings”. They’re really melodramatic. It’s damn annoying.”

Aakash laughed.

“They just want you to be happy, Trina. And we do spend a lot of time together, so I can see where they’re coming from. And besides, it’s not really that far from the truth, is it…”

Trina did a double take. WHAT? Did he really just say that? But before she could process anything, Aakash linked his fingers in hers in one swift movement, and continued walking as though nothing had changed.

But everything had. Trina was stunned. His hand was cool, and he was calm; a sharp contrast to her galloping pulse. She decided to just put all the thoughts racing through her mind to rest and instead focus on this fantastic moment. It was just her and Aakash, and everything was perfect.  

When the person you used to run to with all of your problems becomes the person all of your problems are about.